I think of six impossible things before breakfast.

"I think of six impossible things before breakfast" - What an amazing quote. I feel a bit behind in the times to honestly admit that I just witnessed the mind-blowing story of Tim Burton's twist on Alice..a blonde girl with a screw loose. I'd like to interpret this into a context of my own world.

I think of six impossible things before breakfast - 


1. There is a drink that can make me shrink: 


This is called vodka. A magical elixir that results in me getting: naked, sick, unwound, and ultimately, results in me lying on the floor crying for my mother to stick me on a donor list for a new liver. Any experience I've had with this poison resulted in an unending ball of shame and lack of dignity. My most vivid memory of vodka was getting semi naked and mounting a girl on Nassau Street across a mini-billboard. YES..that was me.. (the shame)

2. There is a cake that can make me grow:

Well...one instant reaction occurs. BAHAHAHAHAHA....cake + me = fat. The word equation people should keep a bit closer to their heart. There's no point in being the jovial fat man if you're too fat to fucking move. On a more personal note, I did have an amazing cake yest. My lungs were actually crying when I was throwing the beast down me! Fucking AMAZEBALLS!!!!!! 

This is an image of my impending death.

I thought I'd be adventurous and try a Chocolate and Baileys sponge cake. I'm still full just looking at it.

3. Animals can talk:


Maybe not directly. But the eyes are the windows to the soul apparently (who knew). When I look at my adorable little King Charles doggy jessie I know exactly what she's saying. If anything it's a classic example of a gesture being more powerful than words. I would upload a picture of her, but being prehistoric I still don't own a bloody camera and my new phone didn't come with a usb cable (WTF).

4. There is a cat that can disappear:


Well, I don't like cats. So all I can say is: Fuck off.

5. There is a place called Wonderland:


This would be my most favourite "impossible" thing. Although in my own experience there really is a place called Wonderland (not to be confused with Funderland). As gay as it sounds, just being around my friends creates a euphoric sense of wonder, amazement, joy, happiness. All the wonders, technologies, experiences of the world are nothing unless they can be shared. Why I could in fact fall down a hole and enter a new world with horses riding unicycles and shoes talking (although shoes do actually talk to me) and feel amazing, until the novelty wore off and I realized the fact that I was alone. A lot can be said for friendship and without it I would honestly die.

6. I can slay the Jabberwocky:


Number 6 really does fuck up my beautiful symmetry here. I'm just gonna say that the Jabberwocky roughly translates to exams. We all slay them. BOOM.

Stay tuned for more silly blog posts from me! =)

Mark x